"In absolutely stunning news, Iran has agreed to a nuclear deal with the United States and a small consortium of other nations that hate Israel.
"Well, it's not a deal deal. It's a deal to agree on a framework for a deal which will happen in the near future. And what could possibly go wrong with that?
"We'll tell you. Or better still, we'll make this a little quiz! We'll present two facts about the (ahem) "deal" and see if you can catch a little problem that John Kerry seems to have overlooked. Ready?
"According to the details of the agreement, "Iran’s breakout timeline – the time that it would take for Iran to acquire enough fissile material for one weapon – is currently assessed to be 2 to 3 months. That timeline will be extended to at least one year, for a duration of at least ten years, under this framework."
"And when will Iran agree to the framework? In 3 months.
"If you're vigorously smacking yourself in the forehead right now, congratulations! You're better qualified to handle nuclear arms negotiations (and basic math) than anyone in the Obama administration!
"Understandably, Bibi Netanyahu isn't too happy about all of this - especially since a high-ranking member of the Iran's Revolutionary Guard recently said that "erasing Israel from the map" remains "non-negotiable."
"Maybe not, but thanks to the tireless efforts of Barack Obama and John Kerry, Israel's destruction at the hands of Iran is very, very, very unlikely. For the next 2 to 3 months, anyway."
The inevitable comparison to Chamberlain and Hitler:
"Well, it's not a deal deal. It's a deal to agree on a framework for a deal which will happen in the near future. And what could possibly go wrong with that?
"We'll tell you. Or better still, we'll make this a little quiz! We'll present two facts about the (ahem) "deal" and see if you can catch a little problem that John Kerry seems to have overlooked. Ready?
"According to the details of the agreement, "Iran’s breakout timeline – the time that it would take for Iran to acquire enough fissile material for one weapon – is currently assessed to be 2 to 3 months. That timeline will be extended to at least one year, for a duration of at least ten years, under this framework."
"And when will Iran agree to the framework? In 3 months.
"If you're vigorously smacking yourself in the forehead right now, congratulations! You're better qualified to handle nuclear arms negotiations (and basic math) than anyone in the Obama administration!
"Understandably, Bibi Netanyahu isn't too happy about all of this - especially since a high-ranking member of the Iran's Revolutionary Guard recently said that "erasing Israel from the map" remains "non-negotiable."
"Maybe not, but thanks to the tireless efforts of Barack Obama and John Kerry, Israel's destruction at the hands of Iran is very, very, very unlikely. For the next 2 to 3 months, anyway."
Well, perhaps this was the real account:
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