About those Jeff Foxworthy jokes we keep getting in our email

Snopes

Claim:   A list of 'You may be a Muslim' jokes originated with comedian Jeff Foxworthy.

FALSE

Origins:   The . . . list of "You may be a Muslim" jokes was widely circulated via the Internet at the end of 2010, attributed to comedian Jeff Foxworthy. Although its structure is somewhat imitative of one of Foxworthy's signature humor routines, the "You might be a redneck if ..." cycle of jokes, that's all it has in common with the nationally famous comedian. Jeff's brother, Jay, confirmed for us that this material was not written by his sibling.

Like most of his material, Jeff Foxworthy's "redneck" jokes are typically affectionate and self-deprecating (he is himself a Southerner); his brand of humor is neither as overtly political nor as cuttingly mean as (and is generally much funnier than) the "You may be a Muslim" list reproduced above. This collection of one-liners is an updating of a earlier version of a list which is several years old (dating back at least as far as October 2007), was originally about the Taliban specifically (rather than Muslims in general), and was not in its original incarnation attributed to Jeff Foxworthy (or anyone else):

"You Might Be A Part Of The Taliban If...

...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
...You have more wives than teeth.
...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
...You've ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round.
...You used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush Sr. to shoot at a helicopter sent by George Bush Jr.
...You've ever had your camel repossessed.
...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe. " . . . 

"The War on America Turns 50"

Ann Coulter  "Half a century ago, Democrats looked at the country and realized they were never going to convince Americans to agree with them. But they noticed that people in most other countries of the world already agreed with them. The solution was obvious.

"    So in 1965 -- 50 years ago this week -- Sen. Ted Kennedy passed an immigration law that has brought 59 million foreigners to our shores, who happen to vote 8-2 for the Democrats.


"Democrats haven't won any arguments; they changed the voters. If anything, the Democrats have stopped bothering to appeal to Americans. The new feminized Democratic Party says, That's too bad about those steelworkers in Ohio losing their jobs, but THERE'S A WOMAN AT A LAW FIRM IN NEW YORK CITY WHO DESERVES TO MAKE PARTNER!

"    Republicans should be sweeping the country, but they aren't, because of Kennedy's immigration law. Without post-1965 immigrants bloc-voting for the Democrats, Obama never would have been elected president, and Romney would have won a bigger landslide against him in 2012 than Reagan did against Carter in 1980.

"    This isn't a guess; it's a provable fact. Obama beat Romney by less than 5 million votes in a presidential election in which about 125 million votes were cast. More than 30 million of Obama's votes came from people who arrived under Teddy Kennedy's immigration law; fewer than 10 million of Romney's did.

"    The 1965 act brought in the poorest of the poor from around the globe. Non-English-speaking peasants from wildly backward cultures could be counted on to be dependent on government assistance for generations to come.

"    Kennedy and other Democrats swore up and down that the new immigration law would not change the country's demographics, but post-1965-act immigrants are nothing like the people who already lived here. " . . .

Choctaw Code Talkers in World War 1

" Choctaw Code Talkers allowed the Americans to execute a surprise attack on the Germans in World War I. "

Warfare History Network

"The affection that Europeans have for the Great American West is well known, so it shouldn’t be surprising that several traveling Wild West Shows happened to be in enemy territory when World War I broke out. One was in Berlin, another in Trieste. Both troupes contained a contingent of Native Americans and both were harassed by mobs caught up in patriotic fervor. So it was that the Onondaga and Oneida Indian tribes were insulted enough to exercise their autonomy as nations separate from, but enclosed within, the United States, to declare war on Germany in 1914. They were the first Americans to do so, but not the last."

. . .

"But the use of Indian languages continued in the rear. Organized under a Lieutenant Black, more Choctaw were added, including Albert Billy, Victor Brown, Tobias Frazier, Ben Hampton, Joseph Oklahombi, and Walter Leach for a total of 14. In addition to the language, a code had to be developed because ordinary Choctaw lacked words for military terms. Artillery therefore became “big gun,” machine gun became “little gun shoots fast,” casualties became “scalps,” poison gas became “bad air,” and the battalions became one, two, or three grains of corn. Fifteen days later the war was over."

"Navajo Language was so Valuable it Was Declared Secret"

Their own web site: Choctaw Code Talkers Association

McCain: Putin's action in Middle East is fault of Obama

Newsmax

" 'This was a series of decisions or non-decisions which has led to the situation we see today, where Vladimir Putin may have inserted Russia into the Middle East in a way that Russia has not enjoyed since 1973, when the Russians were thrown out of Egypt," said McCain. "He is still on course to repeat this nightmare by withdrawing nearly all troops from Afghanistan."

"In that country, the Taliban has captured the strategic city of Kunduz, said McCain, "and that is terrible in the respect hat Kunduz is in the northern part of the state where we thought it was stable."

"And in Syria, said McCain, "the United States stood by as Bashar al-Assad's war on the Syrian people is going on and on and on. It is this slaughter that has been the single greatest contributor to the rise and continued successful of ISIS.' " 

California drought: watch this time-lapse of Folsom Lake as it dries up

The timelapse of Folsom Lake reservoir, around 25 miles north of Sacramento, was posted on Facebook by Ryan Griffith.

. . . "The clip begins with the lake bathed in sunshine and covered in boats.

"However it ends with just a baron piece of land with the wooden pontoon the only thing remaining in the center of the dried up lake bed.

"Griffith said in his Facebook post: 'I've been collecting and assembling these since March of 2015 through August 2015 showing the effects of the drought in California is having on our reservoirs. 

" 'This is from Brown's Ravine / Folsom Lake Marina. Every time I've watched it I've seen something new.' 

"The reservoir was once home to 700 boats, but now all that is left are some abandoned engines.

Hillary does a masterful dodge

She is Clinton-smooth.

Clinton is Obama is Clinton? Hillary Stumbles Hard in Latest Interview.
"Last night NBC aired the second half of a “meet the candidates”-style conversation between Hillary Clinton and Chuck Todd. When Todd asked Clinton to differentiate herself from President Barack Obama, she demurred, arguing that she wasn’t running for Obama’s third term; when he pressed the issue, she completely and utterly failed to provide a single distinguishing trait of herself, her campaign, or her plans for the presidency."

Actually she did pretty well.

. . . "Either Clinton can’t find any fundamental differences between herself and President Obama, or she simply is refusing to say so out of fear of offending a valuable chunk of her voter base.

"Whichever theory you go with, this still should have been an easy get for Clinton. Questions like these are low-hanging fruit; all it takes is a cursory glance at polling data to figure out what Americans don’t like about what the Administration is doing. With a simple twist, Clinton should have been able to point out policy areas that Americans are displeased with, then pivot toward her own (if budding) policy proposals. "

Latest on the Islamic invasion of the West.

German Police Chief: Muslim Refugees Attacking Christian Refugees So Often They Should Be Housed Separately


Administration allows in more than 1500 asylum seekers who engaged in terrorism 'while under duress'

That policy has now been replaced, as Judicial Watch explains:

. . .

. . . "So, a couple of hundred men who went through terrorist military training - including, one supposes, the usual brainwashing - are comfortably ensconced in an American city near you. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?" . . .

Officials in Germany, Sweden, consider seizing property to house new migrants
. . . "The rules of law and property rights are the first casualties of the EU push for a more ‘generous’ migration policy. Countries like Germany and Sweden are considering revising existing property laws to confiscate homes to house arriving migrants. Austria has changed its constitution to force provinces to accept higher quotas of migrants. The existing law restricted the intake of refugees more than 1.5 percent of the population. The country is expecting to receive about 80,000 asylum claims by the end of 2015. The Austrian news website The Local reports:" . .  .

New website:

The Migration Waves Have Only Just Begun
. . . "In the coming generations the Islamic world and Africa could in principle send a constant stream of migrants ten times as large as what we are seeing now. Even if they did so, it would not solve basic social problems in the Islamic world or Africa. It would, however, probably led to a social collapse in many European countries. Europe must soon decide whether it wants to live or commit suicide." . . .

What happens when theaters are forced to abandon film for digital

The New Yorker

Watch this on The Scene.