"The president has journeyed to the 57th state (or is it the 56th?) in order to take credit for new oil drilling and to decry the imminent environmental disaster the world faces from, uh, new oil drilling. Say what you will about the man, but he does have a gift for hypocrisy.
"Speaking of which, while in Alaska Mr. Obama will also be taping a guest appearance on the popular reality series "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" in which the president will demonstrate the wilderness survival skills he's honed during multiple visits to Martha's Vineyard.
"Scheduled events include discussing climate change while hiking along a glacier which has shrunken by a terrifying 1.25 miles "in recent decades" and, if circumstances allow, killing and devouring a wild dog topped with Indonesian "Soetoro sauce."
"On a military note, the president is calling for the construction and deployment of more icebreakers in arctic waters to help counterbalance the growing and aggressive dominance of Russia in the region. Currently, Vladimir Putin has 41 icebreakers and Obama only has two. Unless you're willing to include "Hi there, is this your first visit to Man's Country?"
"The president will be leaving one additional mark on Alaska (not unlike writing his name in the snow) by renaming America's highest peak - thereby creating thousands of jobs for people in the business of printing maps and atlases.
"As a gesture of support to Alaska's native population, what was formerly Mt. McKinley will now be known as "Denali" - which is the traditional Athabascan name meaning "The High One."
"Perhaps not coincidentally, this was also the president's nickname in the Choom Gang."
"Speaking of which, while in Alaska Mr. Obama will also be taping a guest appearance on the popular reality series "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" in which the president will demonstrate the wilderness survival skills he's honed during multiple visits to Martha's Vineyard.
"Scheduled events include discussing climate change while hiking along a glacier which has shrunken by a terrifying 1.25 miles "in recent decades" and, if circumstances allow, killing and devouring a wild dog topped with Indonesian "Soetoro sauce."
"On a military note, the president is calling for the construction and deployment of more icebreakers in arctic waters to help counterbalance the growing and aggressive dominance of Russia in the region. Currently, Vladimir Putin has 41 icebreakers and Obama only has two. Unless you're willing to include "Hi there, is this your first visit to Man's Country?"
"The president will be leaving one additional mark on Alaska (not unlike writing his name in the snow) by renaming America's highest peak - thereby creating thousands of jobs for people in the business of printing maps and atlases.
"As a gesture of support to Alaska's native population, what was formerly Mt. McKinley will now be known as "Denali" - which is the traditional Athabascan name meaning "The High One."
"Perhaps not coincidentally, this was also the president's nickname in the Choom Gang."
