Biden’s Granddaughter Relieved To Have Been Disowned After Seeing Biden Eat Baby

  Babylon Bee (Parody)

LITTLE ROCK, AR — After watching her grandfather gnaw on a baby on live television, four-year-old Navy Roberts was reportedly relieved that President Biden had disowned her.

"I didn't know Grandpa ate babies," said Navy. "I thought it would have been cool to meet my Grandpa and visit the White House -- but, um, I think I'll stay here with my mom."

According to sources, Navy occasionally likes to watch the news to see the Grandpa she has never met. "I was sad when I saw Grandpa put up a stocking at Christmas for the dog, but not for me," said Navy. "Then, I saw him lick that little girl like she was a strawberry ice-cream cone. She looked so scared! I'm not sad anymore."

Reporters say that the little girl who was chewed on by Mr. Biden has received her tetanus booster and is undergoing a series of shots for rabies. "We're taking the usual precautions with any bite victim," said pediatrician Dr. Amy Reynolds. "President Biden will also be quarantined for two weeks while we test for rabies. Interestingly, his staff said that was already on his schedule anyways. We believe the little girl will make a full recovery, though psychologically, she may always have trust issues with men."

At publishing time, the White House reported that the person responsible for keeping the President from eating babies had been fired.

Empty suit, empty suites: Joe Biden's government of empty buildings -

 

Monica Showalter; American Thinker  "We often ask who's running the government with a White House led by doddering Joe Biden.

"But with a new audit out, maybe the real question is what is the government.

"According to the Washington Examiner:

The evacuation of federal headquarters during the COVID-19 crisis appears to have become permanent and costly with up to 90% of several agency headquarters empty, according to a federal audit.

At least 6 of 24 Washington area headquarters are 90% empty, including several that manage federal office space and employees such as the General Services Administration and the Office of Personnel Management.

The audit from the Government Accountability Office found that just six agencies were operating with half of their staff in the office during the first three months of 2023, the latest sign that efforts to get federal employees back into the office after the coronavirus crisis and after years of encouraging telework have failed.

The findings echo private sector reports. In Washington, private offices are less than 40% full.

"Turns out the government buildings Joe Biden presides over in his expensive, bloated government are about as empty as the old dotard's head.

"It's like we have a pretend president, presiding over a pretend government.

"Practically every agency headquarters is something like 80% empty.

"But the empty buildings still stand, as if to suggest that something had been there. Mainly, it's the illusion of power and importance." . . .