Kamala Harris's Ratings Plummet As People Realize They'd Have To Listen To Her Voice For Next 4 Years

 Parody from Babylon Bee

"SALT LAKE CITY, UT—Joe Biden's running mate appears to be in deep trouble after speaking in tonight's debate and letting everyone hear what her voice actually sounds like.

" 'This is a disaster for us," said campaign manager Jennifer O'Malley Dillon to anonymous sources. "We really didn't think people were actually going to watch this debate, let alone with the sound on."

Donkey Hotey

"According to polls of citizens who watched the debate, the very thought of hearing Kamala Harris's voice and signature cackle for the next 4-8 years makes 3 out of 4 people want to lay down in front of a steamroller. 

" 'Never thought I'd say this, but maybe my old lady's voice ain't so bad," said Bob Ataboy, a local factory worker.

"The campaign vowed to address this situation and has set up Harris for personal classes with famous likeability coach Hillary Clinton." 

Her record shows her to be a gifted shapeshifter.  . . . "Joe Biden’s running mate had the most liberal voting record in the Senate last year — surpassing even Bernie Sanders — according to government watchdog GovTrack.

"Harris advocates late-term abortion, thinks Catholics are not fit to serve on the Supreme Court, has tried to criminalize climate-change denial and the manufacture of guns, wants to give taxpayer-funded health care to illegal immigrants and, as California’s attorney general, wielded power like a callous autocrat.

"But, if by pragmatic, the Times means this Barack Obama protegé will be whatever you want her to be, it’s correct." . . .

Off limits are words such as “ambition,” “likeability” and “electability.” No photos looking angry because that “perpetuates racist tropes.” So is reporting, “even as asides . . . on . . . looks, weight, tone of voice, attractiveness and hair.” The Democrats are trying to stifle criticism before it begins.