Sunday, December 30, 2018

Dave Barry column: 2018: Year in Review

Richmond.com



Here are random bits and pieces just to whet your appetite:
. . . "So we’re very glad that 2018 is finally over. Once again we’re on the cusp of a new year, another chance for change. And once again, we find ourselves feeling stirrings of hope — hope that the coming year really will be better. Why do we feel this way? Why, despite all our past disappointments, do we believe things really can improve? Because we are morons, apparently. So let’s not get too excited about 2019. Our emotional state should be hopelessness leavened with despair, as we can see when we look back at the grotesque boof-a-palooza that was 2018, starting with ..."
. . . "In sports, the 2018 Winter Olympic games get underway in PyeongChang, South Korea, with a historic opening ceremony highlighted by the release of 25 doves, which are immediately shot down and consumed by the North Korean men’s biathlon team." . . .
. . . "This issue dominates the news cycle, especially on CNN, which puts Ms. Daniels’ extremely outgoing lawyer, Michael Avenatti, on Full Rotation, which means he is featured on every CNN news program and also handles weather and sports updates." . . .
. . . " North Korea releases three American prisoners, only to be dashed when North Korea refuses to accept, in exchange, Stormy Daniels. " . . .
. . . In sports, France defeats Croatia to win the World Cup. Jubilant Eagles fans, with nothing left in Philadelphia to destroy, lay waste to Delaware.  . . .
. . . "The Manafort/Cohen story gets massive coverage on CNN and MSNBC, with hordes of joyful panelists celebrating the now-inevitable impeachment of Trump by dancing around the studio singing “Ding Dong, the Witch Is Dead.' ” . . .
. . . "For their part, the Democrats appeal to voters with a three-pronged message:
Prong One: The Democrats are the party of fairness, diversity, and inclusion.
Prong Two: Anybody who disagrees with the Democrats about anything is Hitler.
Prong Three: But more racist.
" . . .Meanwhile, the ongoing saga that is The Jim Acosta Story, Starring Jim Acosta as Jim Acosta, takes a thrilling turn when Jim gets into a dramatic struggle with a White House intern over a microphone." . . .
. . . " two turkeys — named Peas and Carrots — are summoned to the White House, where the president, in keeping with a lighthearted Washington tradition, appoints them to high-level posts in the Justice Department. Two days later he fires Peas over what insiders describe as “policy differences.” Within minutes Peas is hired as a political analyst by MSNBC." . . .

Finally: ". . . All this happens as congressional Democrats prepare to take control of the House of Representatives, where they plan to implement an ambitious agenda focused on the No. 1 concern of the American people, which of course is ...


"The 2016 elections!"

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