2020 was mostly peaceful protests occurring within a mostly healthy year during which toilet paper remained mostly available.
. . . "Yes, the House of Representatives impeached Donald Trump (for daring to suggest wrongdoing by an upstanding citizen he confused with that other Hunter Biden who cheated on his dead brother’s widow with a stripper he impregnated before marrying a third woman 10 days after first meeting, cocained his way out of the Navy, and cajoled various foreigners into depositing large sums of money into his bag) this year even though a Mandela Effect causes everyone to remember it as occurring a long, long time ago.
"In a nutshell, 2020 was mostly peaceful protests occurring within a mostly healthy year during which toilet paper remained mostly available. We experienced a shortage of really all tissuey products, kettlebells, and coins, and a surplus of Karens sternly lecturing us to cover our faces walking down the street, hanging out in public parks, and hiking in the woods. Scolds speak fondly of 2020 for decades to come.
"Despite all the social distancing, social media, and social justice, 2020 struck its captives as a very antisocial year with little in the way of ice-cream socials or gatherings of any kind.
"Rights became crimes. Cops arrested a minister for preaching in Florida, protesters for walking on the sidewalk near the governor’s mansion in North Carolina, beauticians for performing appointment-only nail and eyelash services in Texas, and a solitary man for paddle-boarding on the water in California.
"Crimes became rights. Protesters exercised their First Amendment rights by looting stores, Talibanning public art, committing arson, and assaulting people who disagreed or advertised “punch me” on the back of their heads all in full view of policemen and television cameras. MSNBC’s Ali Velshi described the scene as “mostly a protest” and “not, generally speaking, unruly” as he reported in front of a police building engulfed in an arsonist’s flames in Minneapolis." . . .
. . . Nobody better represented an escape from 2020 than Nathan Apodaca. In a 22-second TikTok video watched by tens of millions, an always-look-on-the-bright-side-of-life commuter with a feather (one almost sees it blowing in the wind) tattoo on his head glides down a highway offramp sipping a big bottle of Ocean Spray Cran-Raspberry as he sings along to the chilled-out Fleetwood Mac song “Dreams.” We later learned that Apodaca’s truck logging 320,000 miles died, which caused the 37-year-old to skateboard from his camper to his job at a potato warehouse. If he can sing and smile through his troubles, the video suggested, then maybe Americans can sing and smile through our troubles, too.
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