Jeff the Chef's recipe for gourmet toast

Jeff’s Toast Of The Town
Ingredients:
·         Bread
·         Butter
·         Toaster
·         Jam, Jelly or peanut butter

Instructions:

·         Reach hand into bread bag far enough to extract two bread slices that are nowhere near either heel.

·     Remove bread slices and drop them into the toaster- only one slice per toaster slot please.

 

·     Press down bread to engage toasting process. Toast to desired toastyness- ensuring bread is cooked long enough to be considered toast. Eating undercooked toast can cause illness.

 

·     After toasting is complete, remove bread from toaster and lay flat on the counter. Toast is much easier to butter in the horizontal position (the toast, not you).

 

·     Spread butter across the toast in a left to right manner ensuring even butterness. Using margarine or “buttery spread” is forbidden. While using a knife is OK, a spreader is recommended because it will be more gentle with the toast. Avoid using Disney’s so-called “Pooh Spreaders” because that just sounds gross.

 

·     Once you have achieved buttery perfection choose your favorite final coat. This can be peanut butter, jam, jelly or honey. If you are making toast for your kid brother you may also use hair gel, barbeque sauce or furniture wax.

 

·     Spread final coat in the same manner as the butter layer. Eat and enjoy! Especially you, Little Brother.

Jeff Hayden, Plano, TX