To Announce They’ve Given Up Completely, DNC Selects David Hogg As Vice Chair: Babylon Bee

 

Babylon Bee  (Parody) "NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — Announcing that it has now given up entirely, the Democratic National Committee selected David Hogg as its new Vice Chair.

"The selection represents a powerful statement to the country that the DNC has no hope whatsoever, is an abject embarrassment, and has given in to despair.

" 'By choosing David Hogg, we are letting the nation know that the DNC is utterly doomed," said Executive Committee member Miranda Langley. "We are forfeiting all pretense of being a successful organization, and welcome our final, total destruction. With David Hogg as our leader, the country can rest assured that the DNC has simply given up."

"According to internal sources, the Democratic National Committee felt that naming Hogg as Vice Chair was the simplest way to announce that it had stopped trying. "How better to let rank-and-file Democrats know that we have abandoned the cause," said former DNC member Steve Cranton. "Obviously, we no longer care and look forward to the sweet release of death. Thank you, David!"

"At publishing time, the DNC had announced that it would attempt to destroy itself entirely by declaring that its leading candidate for 2028 is Kamala Harris." 

Also at the Bee: Entire Federal Workforce Replaced By One 16-Year-Old Chick-Fil-A Employee

  . . ."With Bryan's work experience running the drive-through at Chick-Fil-A, we expect his taking over three million federal jobs to be seamless," said Trump's Chief of Staff Susie Wiles. "We believe Bryan will also provide a massive upgrade in terms of how pleasant it will be to interact with government employees. He is just so darn polite."

"Sanders will remain enrolled in high school and plans to squeeze in doing the entire work of the federal government each evening before his homework. "Of course, we don't want Bryan doing three million people's jobs to interfere with his studies, but we think he will handle it just fine," said Sander's mom Julie. "If he can handle the lunch rush at Chick-Fil-A, doing the work of a million bureaucrats will be a cinch." . . .