By Dave Barry in the Miami Herald "The holidays are a wonderful time of year, but too often, in all the excitement and craziness, we forget the real “reason for the season.” The holidays are not about parties, or decorations, or Frosty the Snowperson.
Those things are fun, but they are not the true purpose of the holidays.
The true purpose of the holidays is to purchase consumer electronics."
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Turkey Leg Air Freshener "If you’ve ever been to Walt Disney World, you’ve probably seen large people lumbering around gnawing on turkey legs the size of yule logs and getting turkey grease all over themselves. No doubt your reaction, like that of most people, was: “I wish there was a way to make my car smell like those people!' ”....
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Doorbell for Dogs "The dog doorbell is mounted low enough for dogs to use it, which means it would also be a great gift for anybody who sometimes parties a little too hard and arrives home unable to walk erect."
Those things are fun, but they are not the true purpose of the holidays.
The true purpose of the holidays is to purchase consumer electronics."
....
Turkey Leg Air Freshener "If you’ve ever been to Walt Disney World, you’ve probably seen large people lumbering around gnawing on turkey legs the size of yule logs and getting turkey grease all over themselves. No doubt your reaction, like that of most people, was: “I wish there was a way to make my car smell like those people!' ”....
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Doorbell for Dogs "The dog doorbell is mounted low enough for dogs to use it, which means it would also be a great gift for anybody who sometimes parties a little too hard and arrives home unable to walk erect."
Necktie Flask "It’s perfect for work, but it’s also great for funerals, ballet recitals, jury duty, congressional hearings — any situation where you find yourself thinking: “I could sure go for 8 ounces of liquid.” And the beauty of it is, nobody will suspect a thing until you pass out facedown in a pool of your own fluids."
Chicken Diapers "Our diapers fit comfortably and allow you to enjoy your birds in the house or car without worry!"
Next, Same thing; different name:
Chicken Brassiere "A question that we have all asked ourselves is: "Does my chicken need a brassiere?" To answer that question, let's refer to the website of the company that sells the Birdy Bra:" ...
Cat Lady Action Figure "Here’s a fun gift for that special child on your holiday list (we are using “special” in the sense of “strange”)."
Face Slimmer Mouthpiece (Right) "This is the perfect holiday gift to give when you want to send the message: "Your face is fat." This Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece is made in Japan, a nation famous for being totally non-weird." ...
Hoodie Pillow Case "How many times have you exclaimed: "Why do I have to purchase a hoodie and a pillowcase as two separate items? Why is there no product that combines these two things into one convenient package?' " ...
Perfect Polly ... "These commercials feature people smiling radiantly and laughing with delight as the amazingly fake-looking Perfect Polly performs her repertoire: making a vaguely birdlike electronic sound; moving her head; moving her tail; moving her head again; moving her tail again; moving her head again; and just generally providing hours of fascinating entertainment to anybody — young or old — who has the IQ of kelp."
http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/11/24/3778613/hoodie-pillow-case.html#storylink=cpyhttp://www.miamiherald.com/2013/11/24/3778615/perfect-polly.htmlNeck Air Cushion (Right) "We don't know about you, but when we have a medical problem, we do not "take chances" with our treatment. We go straight to one of the nation's best-known authorities on healthcare: the Harriet Carter mail-order gift catalog..."
Brain Games for Dogs. ..."This book is a tremendous training tool. You give your dog a command — any command — and if it fails to obey immediately, you simply strike it with this book.
"No! That was a joke! Please do not write angry letters containing misspelled words to the editor." ...
Glace Luxury Ice "Guess how much it costs, for a box of 10 cubes."Seventy-five dollars.
"That's right: SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS. For ICE. So obviously this is a product aimed at real connoisseurs, with "connoisseur" defined as "a person with even less intelligence than the morons who buy Perfect Polly.' "
Pet Monument ... "This is a pet grave marker made of a scientific materialcalled "polyresin" that has been colored to look exactly like fake stone. It will stand over your deceased pet's final resting place, so that you will have a place to pay your respects, and other neighborhood pets will have a place upon which to make weewee." ...
Prism Glasses ..."This means that when you put these glasses on, instead of seeing what's in front of you, you're actually looking straight down. This means you can watch television while lying flat on your back, which can be very handy." ...Or, better yet...
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