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"Yay! Way cool! And so inclusive!
"Krista Berger, senior vice president of Barbie and global head of dolls, released a statement saying:
Introducing a Barbie doll with type 1 diabetes marks an important step in our commitment to inclusivity and representation. . . .
. . . "On this logic, I can imagine an anonymous source telling me that Mattel plans to come out with at least a baker’s dozen of other “inclusive” Barbies in the near future, including:
*Irritable Bowel Syndrome -- or IBS — Barbie. (Can’t wait for this one! Will she come complete with Depends™ and medication?)
*Montezuma’s Revenge Barbie. (Similar to IBS Barbie, but this one has just returned from Mexico…and boy is her sphincter tired!)
*Breast Cancer Barbie. (Historically not well-endowed, this Barbie will come with three different sizes of breast prostheses, including a DDD!)
*Colostomy Bag Barbie. (This barbie may be hiding this accessory from Ken. Or maybe not.)
*Transitioning Barbie. (How topical?! How inclusive?! How fun?! Rumor has it this Barbie will come with various snap-on/off parts from all genders! She/He/They will also come with assorted pronouns and an extra “Billy” name tag.)
*Lyme Disease Barbie. (This Barbie will feature a small “bullseye” ring on her arm and come with various ointments and medications.)
*Autistic Barbie. (This Barbie frequently loses focus and has trouble communicating. She cries a lot and often prefers to be by herself. She is often stressed out and doesn’t like changes in routine.)
*Tourette Syndrome Barbie. (This might be my favorite of all the new Barbies! She will often twitch, bark, and yell out “f*** Ken!” and other obscenities while in public places. It doesn’t get much more inclusive than this! Fun for the whole family!)
*Obesity epidemic Barbie. (So meaningful. An inspired attempt to counteract ‘fatphobia.’ Though she is as wide as she is tall, she is still beautiful, right?)
*Coronavirus Barbie. (A ‘legacy’ throwback, complete with N-95 mask. Must always stay at least 6 feet from Ken. Makes me nostalgic for ‘the good ol’ days!’)
*Methamphetamine Barbie. (This Barbie is so, like, today! She never eats and is always ‘amped up.’ Her eyes twitch and her teeth are decaying. Well done, Mattel!)
*Artificial-limb Barbie. (Granted, it is a bit hard to tell on a small plastic doll, but this Barbie proudly sports an artificial arm … and leg! But there is nothing artificial about her big heart!)
*Upper-class ultra-liberal Barbie, a.k.a., “Karen” Barbie. (This Barbie comes with dyed hair, a nose-ring, a Palestinian flag, and a “My Vagina Doesn’t Open For Trump Supporters” tee-shirt. She’s dumber than the plastic she’s made out of, but always thinks she’s right.)
From the Babylon Bee we now get: Mattel Introduces New 'Ozempic Barbie' With Syringe And Detachable Belly
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