Are You A Woman? 12 Signs To Look For | The Babylon Bee"What is a woman? Nobody knows—not even Supreme Court nominees. But we've come up with a few key indicators to look for. Run through this list and keep track of how many "yes" answers you come up with. The more affirmatives, the more likely you're a chick!
1. Are you always cold?
2. Has a human ever popped out of you?
3. Have you ever decorated a bed with six or more pillows?
4. Can you tell the difference between cream white and rustic farmhouse white?
5. Have you run into a curb in the past 24 hours? Be honest, CAROL.
6. DO YOU BLEED? Like, for an extended period of time at regular intervals?
7. Does it take you over three hours to decide what you want to eat?
8. Are you currently a member of at least three pyramid schemes?
9. Do you find simple movie plots hard to follow?
10. Do you frequently describe your emotional state as "fine" when you are not in fact fine?
11. Is your Starbucks drink order anything other than black coffee?
Ann Coulter "Presidents are entitled to nominate Supreme Court justices who represent their party and its values. Using that as our guide, President Joe Biden picked the Democrats’ perfect Supreme Court justice: Ketanji Brown Jackson.
"If you’d given me a thousand bucks to come up with a question that would stump a Supreme Court nominee, I never would have thought of: What’s a woman?
"Democratic values.
"As Sens. Josh Hawley, Tom Cotton, Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham amply demonstrated at the nomination hearings last week, Judge Jackson really likes defendants in child pornography cases. She’s partial to all criminals, but the child porn cases make the point bracingly.
"In seven out of seven child pornography cases that came before Judge Jackson, where the sentencing was up to the judge, she imposed sentences that were a fraction of those recommended under the sentencing guidelines. In all seven cases, her sentences were also far below those requested by the prosecutor.
"Not 2 1/2 years, instead of three — more like three months instead of 10 years. In United States v. Hawkins, the defendant possessed and distributed multiple images of child abuse of kids, including photos of prepubescent boys engaging in oral and anal sex, a video of an 8-year-old boy masturbating, and one of an 11-year-old boy being anally penetrated by an adult man.
"The federal sentencing guidelines recommended eight to 10 years. Judge Jackson sentenced the defendant to three months.
"Yes, yes, he was only 18, and he was remorseful. Good for him!
"But Judge Jackson also dramatically departed downward in sentencing a couple of ripe perverts — one who attempted to travel across state lines to molest a 9-year-old girl (when his thousands of child porn images weren’t enough); and another who’d distributed more than a hundred pornographic photos and videos of his own daughter.". . .
In conclusion: The media have also issued reams of "context," "fact checks" and "debunkings" ... all to prove that KBJ is a virtual Eliot Ness on crime! Don't believe your eyes! Forget everything you know about the Democrats! It's all lies and conspiracy theories!
"Great news for Joe Biden. After months of abysmal public approval numbers, President Biden’s favorability among registered voters has soared by 2 points to 45%! And all he had to do was bring us to the brink of World War III.
'The media are thrilled with the possibility of nuclear war with Russia. Catastrophes are terrific for ratings, and flood-the-zone coverage of a war between two faraway countries that has almost zero effect on the lives of most Americans allows journalists to act like deep-think, geopolitical strategists (after having quickly looked up “Ukraine” on Wikipedia).
"They dragged out the COVID panic porn for two straight years. By now, the only people still interested in pandemic updates are hysterical liberal women in Manhattan claiming to have “long-haul COVID.”
"Of course, when American kids are murdered expressly as a result of our own government’s policies, the journalism protocol is: No crying, no coverage.
"There will be no tears for the 5-year-old Florida girl killed in October when an illegal alien from Guatemala, Ernesto Lopez Morales, tanked up on six 32-ounce beers, then plowed into the little girl and her mother as he was driving to get more beer.
"Nor for Texas teenager Adrienne Sophia Exum, killed instantly one Sunday afternoon in 2020 when Heriberto Fuerte-Padilla, an illegal alien from Mexico, smashed into the car she was driving, then fled the scene. There’s even some news: The Biden administration announced that Fuerte-Padilla will not be deported.
"And there will be no weeping for the still-unidentified mother and daughter, aged 59 and 22, killed last December when a human smuggler (a “U.S. citizen,” aka “anchor baby”) carrying six illegals across the border into Texas, sped through a stop sign and T-boned the pair.". . .
"We reported Monday on how Gov. Ron DeSantis signed the unfairly maligned Florida parental rights bill into law, which prompted the Usual Suspects on the left and in the media to once again howl with manufactured outrage that DeSantis had “banned” saying “gay” in public school classrooms (he hasn’t).
"One of the more noteworthy examples of a prominent DeSantis critic weighing in came from Disney, which promptly proclaimed that they would be on the frontlines of supporting efforts by dark money/billionaire-funded radical leftist groups to get the law, which among other things prevents instruction of gender identity and sexual orientation topics in grades K-3, repealed or struck down by the courts. For those who missed “woke” Disney’s response, read below:
"It was a helluva eye-opening statement for Disney to make considering their decades of making oodles of money on grounds that they are a “family-friendly” organization dedicated to providing wholesome entertainment and rides that young and old alike can enjoy.
"That’s a point that DeSantis has also made in the past, but in fresh comments made Tuesday, DeSantis took it a step further, going off not just on the media’s continued bias over the law, but also on Disney for “crossing a line” in trying to dictate what Florida law should be.
"In his remarks, DeSantis put Disney on notice, telling them that not only will he not be bullied, but also that the state is “governed by the interests of the people” and not woke corporations like Disney. Further, he noted that it was interesting that as the bill was floating through the Florida House, Republican leaders didn’t hear one word from Disney opposing it. Lastly, he reminded people of Disney’s close ties to China, pointing out that their reaction would be very different had the bill banned discussion of “the oppression of the Uyghurs in China”:. . .
Collins is so far the only Republican who plans to vote to confirm Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson.
"Sen. Susan Collins will vote to confirm Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s nomination to the Supreme Court, her office announced Wednesday morning, making her the first Republican to commit to doing so and all but assuring Jackson’s confirmation.
"Collins – who met a second time with Jackson after last week’s confirmation hearings — said she had reviewed the nominee’s record and believed “she possesses the experience, qualifications and integrity” to serve on the nation’s highest court.
“In my meetings with Judge Jackson, we discussed in depth several issues that were raised in her hearing,” Collins said in her statement. “Sometimes I agreed with her; sometimes I did not. And just as I have disagreed with some of her decisions to date, I have no doubt that, if Judge Jackson is confirmed, I will not agree with every vote that she casts as a Justice. That alone, however, is not disqualifying.”
"Collins was not available for an interview Wednesday, but she told the New York Times her unusual second meeting with Jackson Tuesday reassured her the nominee – who would be the first Black woman to serve on the court – would not be “bending the law to meet a personal preference.”. . .
"About a year ago I wrote an article about my Democrat friends. We were barely 2 months into the Harris/Biden administration and they were getting a bit embarrassed about the leadership they had helped foist on the country. My naïve friends had bought into the propaganda that all of the turmoil in Washington was because of Donald Trump. They voted for a return to normalcy. Only two months into this administration, they were embarrassed to see that they had been hoodwinked big time.
"The Dems were now in charge of everything, yet the turmoil was greater than ever. Within 2 months of Joe’s inauguration, they could see that a return to normalcy meant a war on oil and gas, transsexuals embraced (figuratively and literally) in the military, and CRT being pushed nationwide. The federal government was officially in the social engineering business. The administration was even working with the social media oligarchs to control the messaging. But what’s a little suppression of free speech to achieve “social justice”?
"I predicted that the embarrassment being suffered by a great many (alas, not all) Biden voters would turn to anger in time for the midterm elections. I was way off. In fact, my predictions were so wrong that I owe my readers a heartfelt mea culpa.
"I knew that Biden was going to be a disaster, but honestly, I thought it would take more than one year for him to reach a Carteresque level of failure. How wrong I was. Carter was a train wreck. But Joe accomplished all of Carter’s failures, and more, in only one year. One could objectively argue that Carter was four times better at being president than Biden.
"Gas prices are now at an all-time high, breaking the record set during the Obama administration. Everybody knows the prices haven’t peaked yet. Biden’s recommendation? Buy an electric car.
"Women’s bathrooms, showers, and locker rooms are now open to men with gender confusion or malice – and the administration doesn’t much care which. In fact, USA Today’s Woman of the Year is Admiral Rachel Levine, a man who dresses as a woman, even while in uniform. China must be terrified. Sports Illustrated did a feature on Lia Thomas, a man who wears a woman’s speedo to compete in women’s swimming. I guess we should be thankful they didn’t feature him in their swimsuit edition.". . .
"Someone had shared their grandma’s funny joke about Joe Biden, and after passing it along, a friend asked me to “find me another”.
"A Google search for “Biden jokes” results in many pages of “Biden jokes about this or that in recent presser” type headlines. Pretty much no jokes “about” Biden."
. . .
"Doing a search for “Biden jokes” on DuckDuckGo provided a wonderful assortment of jokes about Biden, as well as about Trump.
"It appears that this whole censorship and steering opinion thing runs much deeper and more subtly than most people, including myself, would likely have thought.
"The joke, by the way, was “Did you hear that Joe Biden had to visit the gastro specialist?... He couldn’t stop Putin.' ”
The present dilemma over the use of language now stems from the recent utterances of the leader of the world’s superpower. It is recognized in Washington, D.C., and elsewhere, that President Joe Biden has a tendency on occasions to misstate his ideas and policies. Officials in the White House have had to clarify his injudicious statements on a number of issues: on U.S. troops based in Poland going into Ukraine; the suggestion that a “minor incursion” by Russia into Ukrainian territory might be acceptable, a suggestion refuted by President Zelensky there are no minor incursions; the nature of U.S. responses “in kind” to the use of chemical weapons by Russia; uncertain relations with NATO; and now on regime change in Moscow.
Column: The Unanimously Liberal Tilt of the 'Fact Checkers' | Newsbusters"Now that the Ketanji Brown Jackson hearings are complete, we have collected another fascinating exhibit of the leftist tilt of “independent fact checkers.” Just try and find a single fact check on anything Judge Jackson said. Try and find a single evaluation of any statement by a Democratic politician touting Jackson – from Biden and Dick Durbin on down.
"Checking liberals and Democrats is apparently not listed among their job duties.
On March 28, White House deputy press secretary Andrew Bates addressed Judge Jackson’s qualifications. Bates claimed what speaks to the strength of her public record “is the multitude of fact-checks from the press, from retired judges, and from former prosecutors who have dismantled attacks brought by a small group of GOP senators.”
" 'Dismantling” Republican critiques is the job of the Fact Check community? That’s what it looks like.
"Bates applauded the nation’s largest Democrat rags for their efforts. He touted theWashington PostFact Checker article by Glenn Kessler titled “These Trump Judges Failed Hawley’s Sentencing Test for Jackson.” He also citedNew York Timesfact-checker Linda Qiu’s article, titled “Critics of Jackson’s Child Sex Abuse Sentences Backed Judges with Similar Records.”
"The Biden press aide correctly noted “This was all on top of a raft of other fact checks already establishing that the basis of these criticisms was dishonest.” Democrats can float on a raft of “fact checks” attempting to censor or downgrade the reach of Republicans.
Former President Trump’s lawyers allege a total of 16 separate counts, ranging from racketeering claims to state tort claims.
"Last week, former President Donald Trump filed a sprawling lawsuit against Hillary Clinton and the other main players responsible for the Russia collusion hoax. Here’s your lawsplainer for Trump v. Clinton, et. al.
First, the Facts
"The 103-page complaint filed in a Florida federal court on Thursday begins with a synopsis of the Democratic plot to frame Trump as a Russian asset, spurring the Crossfire Hurricane investigation into his presidential campaign and later his administration. Among other things, the lawsuit highlights the Clinton campaign’s hiring of Perkins Coie, alleging the law firm “was tasked with spearheading the scheme to find — or fabricate — proof of a sinister link between Donald J. Trump and Russia.”
"According to the lawsuit, Perkins Coie lawyers Marc Elias and Michael Sussmann enlisted others, including the investigative firm of Fusion GPS and its co-founders, Peter Fritsch and Glenn Simpson, and “Neustar, Inc., an information technology company, and one of its top executives, Rodney Joffe.” The complaint then detailed Fusion GPS’s hiring of Christopher Steele, the principal and founder of Orbis Ltd., and Steele’s use of Igor Danchenko as a primary sub-source for the fraudulent Steele dossier that the defendants fed to the FBI and the media to craft the Russia-collusion narrative.". . .
Sadly, though, Trump may in the end join Svetlana Lokhova and Alfa Bank as victims of Spygate for whom the legal system provided no relief. There is still hope for justice for Carter Page, though.
Was The Slap Staged? Does It Matter? (thehayride.com) "Social media won’t let The Slap, Will Smith’s scowl-inducing violent outburst over comedian Chris Rock’s joke about Smith’s wife’s shaved head, slough off into the memory hole.
"And for good reason. The Slap wasn’t just a notable pop culture moment, one which got America talking about the Oscars after years and years of declining interest and audiences. It was a cultural moment as well, one which said volumes about the current state of marriage and masculinity in America.
"There is a great deal of speculation out there indicating that the flagging viability of the Oscars and other celebrity awards shows in the public eye was a key motivator for The Slap being a staged event. Here’s how that theory plays out…
. . ."It remains to be seen whether any damage was done to Smith’s career. The smart money says “of course not.” He’s likely more bankable now than he was before.
"Because standards are nonexistent in Hollywood. In Hollywood, pedophiles make movies for children, the casting couch applies to both sexes, Chinese Communist Party and Mexican drug cartel money bankrolls woke, anti-American films and the freedom of expression is met with cancellation and, now, violence.
"The Slap was shocking. It wasn’t surprising. Staged or not, it’s the logical terminal after a long flight from the cultural greatness Hollywood used to represent to the moral fiasco it surely is now."
Jimmy Kimmel Nails Will Smith for Laughing at Chris Rock’s Joke Before Smacking Him (thedailybeast.com) . . .“Even Kanye was like, you went on stage and did WHAT at an award show?” Kimmel joked. The “weirdest part,” he explained, was that Smith could be seen laughing at Rock’s joke about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith’s lack of hair and only decided he’d “better do something” when he looked over and realized she “wasn’t amused.”
“ 'Nobody could have predicted that the most controversial movie of 2022 would beG.I. Jane, but it was,” he added. Kimmel went on to praise Rock for not even flinching after Smith hit him, joking, “I would have been crying so hard.' ”. . .
Out of that list of the previous shows, the only one I’d be interest in seeing host again is Rock, and I would have said the same before the incident last night. I imagine they don’t want NBC stars but SNL usually has people I wouldn’t mind tuning it for, but other than that, I can’t think of any reason I’ll ever watch again. Not having Smith leave last night after hitting someone on stage is a miraculous failure on the Academy’s part. Everyone on the board should resign.
As previously stated in the TW, I have long considered Colbert a weasel. May I assume he and the ladies of "The View" have an applause sign for the audience? TD
Breitbart "Liberal pundit Stephen Colbert, who also hosts a comedy show, joked on Tuesday night that Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy should be slapped the way actor Will Smith slapped comedian Chris Rock at the Oscars.
WATCH: Colbert Suggests Fox Reporter Get Slapped For Asking Biden About Chemical Weapons | The Daily Wire . . ."On Tuesday night, apparently referencing Will Smith’s slap of Chris Rock at the Oscars Sunday night, late night host Stephen Colbert, in his usual snide fashion, mocked Fox News reporter Peter Doocy and suggested he be slapped for simply asking President Biden what he meant when he said that the U.S. would respond “in kind” to any use of chemical weapons by Russia in Ukraine.
Colbert started by mocking Doocy as resembling a high school kid “who wears a suit to gym class,” as he sniped, “Yesterday, President Biden held a press conference. And he was asked a ridiculous question by a ridiculous man, Fox News reporter and that one kid in high school who wears a suit to gym class, Peter Doocy.”
He instructed that the video be played in what he believed was a suave manner: “Jimmy, drop the deuce. “
The video ahowed Doocy asking, “You said that chemical weapon use by Russia would trigger a response in kind.”. . .
Colbert: Biden Should Slap Peter Doocy Like Will Smith Slapped Chris Rock"CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert (D-N.Y.) certainly knows his audience. On Tuesday's show, he mocked Fox's Peter Doocy for asking President Biden a question, and suggested that he would like Biden to slap Doocy in the face, like Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars. The crowd loved it. No one expects Jim Acosta to suggest that will lead to violence and even death of reporters."
"As our Briefing Expert Curtis Houck noted, Doocy was one of many White House reportersto ask Biden about his walked-back remarks about Putin being removed from power and other gaffes. Doocy here was obviously suggesting to Biden that telling Putin he would respond "in kind" to a chemical attack sounds like he would respond with a chemical counter-attack.
Colbert mocked Doocy as wanting all of our national-security secrets: "Uh, Peter Doocy, Fox News. I've got two more questions. First, what are the exact locations of all of America's troops? And can you give me the nuclear launch codes? Just tell me, is one of them a four?". . .
. . ."Colbert makes his show for Democrats, so naturally back in 2018, Colbert welcomed CNN yeller Jim Acosta on his show to honor him for being a brave member of the "enemies of the people.' ". . .
"When I interned in Congress for two summers many years ago, other congressional members openly referred to him as one of the dumbest men on Capitol Hill. Staffers and interns, including ones who worked for Democrats, made fun of him.
"Old age and dementia have done this dull man no favors. That was apparent over the weekend when Biden, stupidly even for him, went off script and called for regime change in Russia. It also was apparent a few months ago, when Biden may have precipitated the war by, according to President Zelensky's account of their phone call, encouraging Ukraine to apply for membership in NATO. Biden then later suggested that the response from Western allies to any offensive moves by Russian troops massing at Ukraine's border might be more muted if Russia were to carry out a "minor incursion" into Ukrainian territory.
"Elsewhere, Biden has shown the same kind of incompetence on forging another nuclear deal with Iran.
Added by TD
"It is really quite pathetic to see the same pro-Israel individuals and organizations who supported Biden over Trump raising the alarm on the administration's weak Iran nuclear negotiations. This was all so predictable for those of us who could see past Trump's "mean tweets" and were instead focused on supporting his administration's policies, which brought unprecedented peace and prosperity.
"Instead of mean tweets, we have an incompetent administration that has brought the very opposite of peace, along with high inflation through its reckless spending policies. With all of the giveaways to Iran, the administration might as well include the development of Iran's nuclear capability in its "infrastructure" project and funding.
"I wonder whether, when in a few years Iran is aiming its nuclear weapons directly at Israel and the Gulf States (and perhaps Berlin and Paris, too), those moderates and independents who tipped the election to Biden will continue to congratulate themselves on being "on the right side of history" by voting against Trump.
"Once the Republicans take back Congress in the midterms, I would be in favor of impeaching Biden on the grounds that he is dumb and incompetent except for the inconvenient fact that his vice president is even more so. That's one of the reasons he picked her. Sadly."
Josh Kantrow is a cyber-security lawyer who lives in Chicago.
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