From the Babylon Bee: CNN's Ratings Collapse As Coronavirus Fears Empty American Airports
" 'We're bringing our jobs back," Trump said at the upbeat press conference covered by other outlets, including Fox News. "We're gonna be back there. I think we're actually going to be back there higher next year than ever before."
"Shortly after skipping Trump’s remarks, the network interrupted programming to carry a press conference with Democratic New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, the older brother of CNN host Chris Cuomo." . . .
. . . While CNN is usually able to claim millions of captive viewers every day, their audience dropped to almost nothing overnight. With airports completely devoid of weary travelers with dead smartphones and nothing to look at but CNN, the core of the channel's audience has disappeared overnight."Screens at airports across the country continued to play CNN to empty airports, creating a spooky, dystopian atmosphere as hosts ranted to no one in particular.On-air personalities were quick to blame the ratings dive on President Donald Trump, suggesting that he had a hand in creating the virus specifically so that CNN would implode.""This is clearly a Trump and Fox News plot to destroy us," said Brian Stelter. "The anti-science, racist Trump administration wants you to believe this started in China, but it was clearly created in a U.S. government lab to stop the extremely popular CNN!"'Overcome with rage, Stelter then transformed into his alternate personality, a raging, hulking, green monster who breaks things and rants against Trump and Fox News all the time, which is indistinguishable from his other ego except he's green and looks a little less like George Costanza."Fox News "CNN continued to avoid coverage that doesn’t fit the network’s narrative on Friday when it didn’t air President Trump’s Rose Garden comments on the heels of a surprise labor report that may indicate the start of an economic recovery amid historic job losses.
" 'We're bringing our jobs back," Trump said at the upbeat press conference covered by other outlets, including Fox News. "We're gonna be back there. I think we're actually going to be back there higher next year than ever before."
"Shortly after skipping Trump’s remarks, the network interrupted programming to carry a press conference with Democratic New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, the older brother of CNN host Chris Cuomo." . . .
CNN didn’t cover Trump’s remarks live, instead airing “CNN Newsroom” with Poppy Harlow and Jim Sciutto. Former CNN pundit Steve Cortes tweeted, “It’s almost as if CNN is rooting AGAINST our economic recovery.”
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"CNN DID NOT MENTION ON-AIR DAVID DORN, RETIRED ST. LOUIS POLICE CAPTAIN KILLED BY LOOTERS"