Why this guy is thankful at this time of year

Every year the Tunnel Dweller family gets a list like this from their eldest son. Jeff, who reflects over the things he has to be thankful for. Here is his list for 2012:

"I am thankful that police finally caught the so-called “Handsome Guy Bandit”. I got tired of being pulled over due to mistaken identity." Having seen this first item, here is more:

I am thankful that I am so far surviving having a 16-year-old with a learner’s permit. However, if you don’t receive this, you’ll know why.

I am thankful for my master bathroom remodel which will look great when I complete it in 2018.

I am thankful for the numerous species of vegetation that grow freely around my house. Unfortunately it is all growing in the midst of my lawn.

I am thankful for life’s little mysteries that cause you to think: like how do my towels still exist after leaving that much lint in the dryer for the past few years?

I am thankful that if I ever find myself starving in the office I can turn my keyboard upside down and shake out at least two days’ worth of rations. 

Honey Boo Boo



I am thankful that, unlike every other time, the power didn’t go out only two days after we set all the clocks back an hour.

I am thankful Honey Boo Boo is approaching her 15th minute. Come quickly 15.

I am thankful for a well-stocked freezer. Even if that last box the kids forced into it by repeatedly punching it keeps the door from sealing tightly, causing the ice maker to frost up which leads to ice falling out onto the floor the next time the door is opened but it somehow never gets cleaned up which leads to me nearly shoving my knee up through the bottom of my chin as my other foot decides it no longer needs to be supporting my desire to be upright.

I am thankful that we have four more years of a democrat in the White House because, with his Republican blog going strong, it will keep my dad off the streets.

I am thankful that the Texas Rangers won the World Series…wait, what? I have to omit this one again?! Never mind.

I am thankful for delicious vegetables. French fries and onion rings come to mind.

I am thankful for my new jetted bath tub. It gives me one more reason to close the bathroom door and tell the kids I can’t be bothered.

I am thankful that I no longer work at that grocery store that required me to wear a brown, polyester, button-up vest. Brown vest? Get real.

I am thankful for life’s little mysteries that cause you to think: like why would a guy come into the men’s room to blow his nose and decide that a stiff paper towel would be better than a strip of fluffy, gentle toilet paper? If it’s gentle enough for…well, never mind. I’ve said too much already.

I am thankful for foresight: like the foresight Colorado had way back all those years ago when they decided to call themselves the Mile High State, somehow knowing that in the far distant future they would be legalizing marijuana.

I am thankful that I live in a house filled with laughter…except when the TV is tuned to a Disney Channel sit”com”. The Grapes of Wrath was funnier.

I am thankful for life’s little mysteries that cause you to think: like how come when there’s a 50% chance of getting something wrong you will get it wrong 90% of the time?

I am thankful that 75% of Dallas residents don’t wear cowboy hats as Hollywood seems to think we do. If I see a guy in Dallas wearing a cowboy hat I just assume he is a tourist who thinks he is required to buy a cowboy hat, some actor here filming a scene or some guy who wandered over here from Fort Worth.

I am thankful summer temperatures are finally behind us so I only have to change my socks every five days instead of every three.

I am thankful for free translation websites. Now if I could just find one that translates that goofy Brad Pitt Chanel commercial.

I am thankful for fine wines and cheeses. More specifically, Gatorade and a bag of Cheetos.

I am thankful for real American heroes, like Batman (played by a British actor), Spiderman (played by a British actor) and the upcoming Superman (played by a British actor).

I am thankful that, after scraping and tiling a floor that past few weekends, I have no currently scheduled appointments to have my knees photographed.

I am thankful for the extra money I earned as Thor’s stunt double. Oops, did I say Thor? I meant Paul Blart.

I am thankful for life’s little mysteries that cause you to think: like what does the inside of my nose smell like?

I am thankful for irony: like “Lincoln” doing well in a theater.

Crazy uncle



I am thankful that I have never camped in a tent in front of a store. I would feel safer camping in grizzly infested woods that somewhere in the city ahead of a pack of anxious shoppers who want a new large screen TV even more than I do.

I am thankful that I can prove in a court of law that I was doing these lame thank you lists long before Jimmy Fallon was doing his “Thank You Notes” which are now making him millions. So far I’ve made nothing- hint hint.

I am thankful for getting together with family on Thanksgiving…well, except for that one crazy uncle. Although, when I think about, I just might be that crazy uncle.