For you Christmas shoppers: Dave Barry’s Gift Guide

Miami Herald  Unique presents for 2011 include a toad purse, a wearable wine ‘rack’ and a stocking full of knives
"Here in America, the most popular [Christmas] tradition, observed by millions, is to celebrate the birth of Jesus by going to a Walmart at 4 a.m. on the day after Thanksgiving and getting into fistfights over steeply discounted TV sets. ....
"That is why we are able to offer you our Holiday Gift Guide Pledge of Guaranteed Quality Assurance Warranty, as follows: If you purchase one of these items, and you are not completely satisfied with it, simply give it to somebody else, and maybe that person will be completely satisfied with it. Although quite frankly, we would be surprised.
"But enough with the legal disclaimers. Let’s get to the items that "made the cut" for this year’s Gift Guide"...

Each item listed below has its own link in this site:

Wine Rack

Candwich — Sandwich in a Can (pictured at right)
Dear Leader Tongue Scraper*
Wrap-a-Nap
Morphsuit
Toad Purse
The 'Phubby' Wrist Phone Cubby
Game On Glove
Christmas Stocking Full of Knives
Cow and Horse Droppings
Girlfriend Pillow
Martha Stewart Animated Snake Wreath

Right: the Candwich

*This is the first tongue scraper we are aware of that harnesses the glamour and “star power” of Kim Jong-Il, the supreme ruler of North Korea, often called “Dear Leader” by North Koreans in recognition of the fact that any time he wants, he can have them executed.
"The Dear Leader Tongue Scraper comes packaged on a cardboard display card featuring an image of a sprightly and smiling Kim Jong-Il running on a beach, holding a tongue scraper in his hand and being pursued by three young women in bathing suits, their arms open wide and their faces expressing the message: “We want you carnally, Dear Leader, because your tongue is devoid of crud!”"