Saturday, November 29, 2014

Dave Barry’s 2014 Holiday Gift Guide (Oops, I meant CHRISTMAS)

Miami Herald 
"The holidays are a super-busy time of year, and it’s too easy, with all the hustle and bustle, to forget about what this season is really all about. So we will remind you: It’s about purchasing high-tech consumer devices at retail.
"This is a tradition that dates back to the Nativity, as we can see in this dialogue among the Three Kings, taken verbatim from the Bible:
"FIRST KING: OK, we just have to follow that star, and it will guide us.
"SECOND KING: Really? That seems kind of vague.
"THIRD KING: Why don’t I get directions from this new technological device I bought at retail?
"FIRST KING: What is it?
"THIRD KING: It’s a primitive GPS, powered by olive oil.
"SECOND KING: What does “GPS” stand for?
"THIRD KING: I have no idea. But it has turn-by-turn directions! 
"Listen."
"GPS: Turn left at the Sphinx.
"FIRST KING: The Sphinx?
"SECOND KING: Apparently it thinks we’re in Egypt.
"FIRST KING: OK, like I said, we follow the star.
"THIRD KING: I’m glad I bought the service agreement.
 
Go here for the list, complete with pictures. Unless, of course you read the Tunnel Wall just for the articles. Below is just a sample of the photos.

 
NIGHT GLOW TOILET SEAT   ... "And then you notice that both the toilet and bathtub are missing. And then you realize you’re actually in a closet.
"
Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article4053889.html#storylink=cpy
 
 
BLACK TOILET PAPER  Why would you give somebody black toilet paper? To answer that question, let’s quote the Amazon Product Description: “Black toilet paper will make a statement in any bathroom.”

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article4053889.html#storylink=cpy

 
OSTRICH PILLOW This is the perfect gift for the busy executive or airline pilot on your holiday gift list who needs to “get away from it all” by power-napping for brief periods, although preferably not during takeoff or landing.
 
Much more at the link...

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article4053889.html#storylink=cpy

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