"We are meant to believe that the United States Secret Service, tasked with protecting the very life of the president, cannot crack the case of who left cocaine in a secure, hard-to-access part of the White House — despite facial recognition cameras, guest-book logs and security all over the most protected building in the Western world.
"The cover-up, as the Nixon-era saying goes, is always worse than the crime.
"At least this feels like yet another blatant White House whitewash.
"Here, in part, is the statement released by the Secret Service on Thursday. See if you can read this with a straight face.
' 'The investigation included a methodical review of security systems and protocols,' it says, noting that the baggie — which was initially tested for anthrax, its reported location changing three times over one week — was found in a receptacle used to store personal devices before entering the West Wing.
"But wouldn't you know, according to the Secret Service, there are no security cameras in the hallway that leads to the West Wing, to the Oval Office, to the hub of the most powerful person on Earth.
"Nope, folks, nothing to see here. Literally." . . .
"Local residents and landlords in the DC area are concerned after rumors surfaced that a nearby home on Pennsylvania Avenue has become a dangerous crack house.
" 'It's just not fair. I work hard to maintain my property, only to have real estate values plummet when this riff-raff moves into the neighborhood," said Carla Biggens, the owner of a middle-income apartment building that offers units at the reasonable price of just $15,000 per month. "I always see suspicious people coming and going from that place. It puts us all on edge. Lord knows what kind of shady things are happening there! Yuck!"
"Local authorities confirmed hard drugs were recently found on the premises, but warned they would likely never find the perpetrator because the owner of the crack house pays their salaries. . . ."
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