"The Nashville Tennessean reports a female convicted murderer survived two attempts at being executed by lethal injections on Wednesday. The state has taken measures to ensure that they end the prisoner's life. They are going to dress her like a toddler and leave her alone with Lindsay Clancy.
• President Trump hit the campaign trail Thursday giving a speech in Durant, Oklahoma, at the Choctaw Nation Center adjoining its fabulous tribal casino. The complex includes a native cultural center where they teach you ancient Indian lore, like always hit on 16 if the dealer is showing a face card.
• The Treasury Department announced 60 million children have been automatically enrolled in Trump Accounts that are like 401Ks for kids, funded by tax-free contributions from family and friends. It is brilliant. Thanks to accrued interest, by the time a poor toddler reaches voting age, he's a Republican.
• McDonald's announced it will invest $9 billion to implement AI by installing robots at its drive-through windows to take orders, suggest additions and hand out the food orders to you through the window. So AI is going to kill a billion people. They're just going to do it one Big Mac Combo at a time.
• Bernie Sanders said Artificial Intelligence could destroy mankind if the government isn't there to control it. His grassroots support remains the old stoners. Bernie got a huge ovation when he spoke at the Coachella Rock Festival because everybody thought Jerry Garcia had come back from the Dead.
• The New York Yankees beat the Boston Red Sox in the 1st game of the AL Wild Card playoffs behind their fire-balling young pitcher Cam Schlittler. He's a Yankee Stadium fan favorite whose time has come. New York is so anti-Semitic under Mamdani they'll cheer anyone who just rhymes with Hitler. More.
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