Have a Merry Government-Regulated Christmas

Frank J. Fleming , Pajamas Media "Every year, Santa engages in some sort of domestic spying program, watching our children like a pedophile in wait, and he determines which children are “naughty” or “nice.” His methods for determining this are unknown; we also can’t know whether there is a racial disparity in these lists. He then makes his presents for the select few using non-union elf labor and comes to our neighborhoods in an unregistered sleigh pulled by disease-bearing caribou. Then Santa breaks into our houses and engages in his personal form of justice, leaving presents for the children he arbitrarily deems “good” and coal for the children he labels “bad.” "