Iowahawk "All the entries are in, and once again it's been a bang up year for the Earth Week Cruise-In with 70 entries from around the world. Thanks again to all participants for your grassroots climate activism and dedication to horsepower. But only one can stand alone as the Grand Champion Carbonator. The envelope, please!
"And the winner is (drum roll)... "
"A hearty congratulations to Gina, whose winnings include a deserving place alongside Barack Obama, Solyndra, James Cameron and Mother Earth herself in our pantheon of previous champions, along with 1 trillion official Iowahawk carbon credits to apply against her future environmental destruction.
" 'What gives, Dave? I didn't bolt a twin turbo and nitrous onto my two-stroke margarita maker to lose your stupid contest to some damn government hippie," you might well be grumbling. OK, Mister Sore Loser, lemme ask you this: did your Earth Week celebration include private jet travel with an entourage of flunkies to New York, Boston, Cleveland, Atlanta and Memphis, all for no apparent reason?
"Gina's did.
"So don't hate the player, hater, hate the game. If you're going to compete in the Carbon Big Leagues, best bring your "A" game and the power to tax your jet fuel bills out of the chumps.
"Until next year... Excelsior!"
"And the winner is (drum roll)... "
Environmental Protection Agency administrator Gina McCarthy!
" 'What gives, Dave? I didn't bolt a twin turbo and nitrous onto my two-stroke margarita maker to lose your stupid contest to some damn government hippie," you might well be grumbling. OK, Mister Sore Loser, lemme ask you this: did your Earth Week celebration include private jet travel with an entourage of flunkies to New York, Boston, Cleveland, Atlanta and Memphis, all for no apparent reason?
"Gina's did.
"So don't hate the player, hater, hate the game. If you're going to compete in the Carbon Big Leagues, best bring your "A" game and the power to tax your jet fuel bills out of the chumps.
"Until next year... Excelsior!"
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