Joe Biden's movie star looks: you can buy them for yourself, you know?

. . . "Actually, Barama needed a happy medium between some idiot feminist and a communist jackass, somebody who sort of knew his way around Washington but who didn't have a following of his own that would make Obama look even more clueless than he already did.  And there stood Joe, hat in hand . . ." *

Poor Joe Biden  . . . "To prepare for his new assignment, old Joe figured he needed to spruce up his appearance.  After all, his principal was already famous for the crease of his pants, and it wouldn't do to look like some hayseed in overalls standing by that smart, clean young feller with steel in his spine.  Off to the dentist, then, for a full set of shiny new choppers.  These would come in handy four years later on teevee against Romney's veep candidate, who cleaned Joe's clock, though nobody today even remembers the guy's name.

"Meanwhile Joe Biden's still hanging around, though he's about run out his string.  But he's been pushing and straining for so long that he just can't give it up.  For the good of the country, he's gonna give it one more go, his third try for the brass ring in, what, the last hundred years?  Delaware, America, and the world watch skeptically as the old war horse polishes his teeth, fixes his hairnet in place, and checks his creases." . . .  * Richard Jack Rail

So now he's "Sloppy Joe"?

Botox, hair plugs, and veneers: Biden could escape the cosmetic surgery scrutiny Hillary Clinton endured  "Cosmetic doctors are certain that former Vice President Joe Biden’s full head of hair, smooth forehead, and Cheshire Cat grin are the result of plastic surgery and other procedures.

"Around the time of the 2008 campaign, alterations in Biden’s appearance became noticeable. His hairline changed, wrinkles disappeared, his smile was brighter. “ 'Without any question Joe Biden had hair transplants,” Dr. Barry Cohen, a plastic surgeon with offices in the Washington suburbs, told the Washington Examiner.

. . . "2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton faced scrutiny for cosmetic surgery during the 2016 campaign, but thus far, there are no signs that Biden, 76, will get the same treatment as he launches his 2020 presidential bid." . . . 

But did you know Joe Biden’s teeth had their own website?!?