"Trump's been called a lot of things in recent years, but I'm going to call him something new.
"First, a refresher. In 2015, the Republican Party was on life support, with a "Do Not Resuscitate" order pinned to its chest and a priest called to administer last rites. Voters kept telling the party they wanted less immigration, less tax-cutting and less warmongering, but the GOP kept giving us more immigration, more tax-cutting and more warmongering. (For a detailed account of this state of affairs, see my columns and books -- they make great Christmas gifts -- free shipping for Amazon Prime members!)
"Only when all other treatments had failed did we turn to an ancient medical treatment: the leech.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Donald J. Trump. There was no greater leech in all the land!
"No insult intended. Leeching is a time-honored medical tradition, dating back to the Stone Age, for every conceivable ailment -- an overabundance of peccant humors, convulsions, flatulence, scarlet fever, pleurisy, inflamed eyes and diseases of the throat, to name a few. Even today, leeches are the best treatment, as I understand it, for certain anticoagulant purposes. But because they are worms and bloodsuckers, not all patients find the treatment especially tasteful.
"Trump was our parasitic worm.
"Though any doctor will tell you leeching rarely works, the next time you hear someone say we didn't get anything from Trump, I respectfully suggest you reply: "I've got five words for you: Gorsuch. Kavanaugh. Coney F---ing Barrett."
"True, the only reason we got them is that neither Jared Kushner nor Kim Kardashian had any interest in the judiciary, so the Federalist Society picked Trump's judges without interference. Albeit completely by accident, the leech still gave us a generation of solid Supreme Court justices. If that sounds like cold comfort, please recall that we just lost the Senate, and barely won the House by the skin of our teeth.". . .More...
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