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"LOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom took decisive action on Tuesday as he ordered California reservoirs drained in preparation ahead of this year's fire season.
"To ensure that high-risk areas of the state would be rendered sufficiently vulnerable to hot, dry weather and high winds, Newsom had officials remove every last drop of water that could potentially be used in an emergency.
"We do this now so we can do nothing later," Newsom said. "I've ordered my team to make sure all of our reservoirs are at zero-percent capacity so that when the fires come, we are fully prepared to fail to protect our citizens."
"The move comes after last year's devastating fires in Southern California ravaged neighborhoods and decimated thousands of homes. California fire officials said they were unprepared for last year's blazes, but were more determined than ever to make sure the same things can happen this year.
"I applaud the governor for his efforts to prepare adequately for this year's fire season," Fire Battalion Chief Carrie Bingham told the media. "We don't want our reservoirs full, that might send the wrong message that we actually want to fight these things."
"Newsom said he would do everything in his power as governor to make sure the reservoirs were empty and ready to go. "We will spare no expense to prepare for the possibility of fires, even if it means spending billions to empty every reservoir in the state."
"At publishing time, Governor Newsom had also committed to hiring only gay indigenous quadriplegic trans fire chiefs."
"At publishing time, Newsom had quietly called the White House to ask if any open cabinet positions might require an immediate job transfer."
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