Thanksgiving Must Be Abolished

Daily Wire  "Around this time every year we are treated to multiple news articles explaining how we ought to deal with our racist conservative relatives at Thanksgiving. These articles, in my opinion, miss the point entirely. We shouldn’t be dealing with our racist conservative relatives at Thanksgiving dinner at all because we shouldn’t be having a Thanksgiving dinner in the first place."
. . . 
"Just consider how the average Thanksgiving dinner unfolds, according to what I read in my gender studies textbook: A group of barefoot women are locked in the kitchen for days, forced to prepare a sumptuous feast for their domineering husbands. The men all drink scotch and smoke cigars in the living room while laughing about the underpaid employees they fired right before the holidays. Finally the food is brought to the table and the men scarf it down while shouting homophobic and ethnocentric slurs. Then they retreat to the basement to tell racist jokes while the women clean the dishes and slink meekly off to bed. Studies show that most Thanksgiving observances happen exactly like this. It is essentially The Handmaid’s Tale but with gravy.

"As a tolerant and appropriately guilt-ridden white man, I have long since withdrawn from these kinds of “celebrations.” Instead, I invite 20 of my closest minority friends to come to my house and insult me for three hours. It gives marginalized people a chance to express their frustrations, and it reminds me that I am scum and my ancestors were a blight on the Earth. We finish the evening by sharing a communal bowl of vegan yogurt. It is a lovely tradition and I simply can’t understand why it hasn’t caught on across the country.

"Well, I suppose the average white person isn’t nearly as enlightened as yours truly. That’s why the government should force the issue. Thanksgiving must be abolished. It is time for us to move past these primitive customs."