CNN-ish Babylon Bee WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to anonymous sources, local liberal man Penn Millikers proposed to his girlfriend but has refused to reveal his position on adultery until after the wedding is over.
"The staunch Democrat said he wants the woman to marry him but won't reveal his position on adultery until the marriage is finalized.
" 'Listen, I love you, babe, but you don't deserve to know what I think about adultery until you say 'I do,'" he told her during a romantic dinner just after he proposed.
" 'No matter how many times his girlfriend asked, Millikers refused to give a straight answer," said the anonymous source. "He said something like: 'Lookie here, Jill! If I tell you right now whether or not I plan to remain faithful to you, that would become the story! This is just a distraction! I think it's better to just get married first with no prenup. Then I'll tell you what I plan to do.'"
"Other things he refuses to reveal his position on include taking showers, putting socks in the hamper, going out drinking with the boys every night, and watching sports all day while he ignores his family.
" 'You'll find out my positions on these issues once we are married.' "
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