"DETROIT, MI — America’s political commentariat reportedly abandoned elections, inflation, foreign policy, and every other issue Tuesday after discovering Kamala Harris may have sounded slightly different while speaking in Detroit, triggering what experts immediately classified as ERROR VP365: REGIONAL VOICE PACK DETECTED, sources have confirmed."
. . . "One man yelled, “Just come back out as yourself!”
"Harris allegedly replied that it was 2026 and every regional speaking cadence deserved equal microphone time.
"Commentators immediately scheduled six more segments.
"By midnight, Democrats had learned nothing new about public policy but could identify seventeen competing theories about one sentence.
"As of press time, three networks were still arguing over whether the reboot failed or merely installed the Midwest expansion pack."
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